Immediate Information Sought!

It has come to my attention that someone absconded with my trusty Remington SP-10 shotgun last week:

Reports indicate the weapon in question has been used in the vicious assault of several dozen snow geese the past three days in rural South Dakota. (Sorry, I know that's redundant.)

Suspect is 6 foot tall, but considerably shorter when laying in a soggy ditch waiting for innocent snow geese to fly by. Members of the public should consider him armed, but not dangerous. (I have seen him shoot.)

There is a substantial reward for information leading to the apprehension of this outlaw. Plus a bonus for each box of my shells you recover.

-Tom, who's predicting lots of rain this spring what with all them holes shot in the sky.

Dear Tom,

Um, I really meant for this go a little differently but, since you've found us out I really only have to say,


I know we had a couple of good years but, though were always careful to keep me in the condition to which I had become accustomed, the spark was gone a long time ago.

Really, it's got nothing to do with you, it's all me.

I've been trying to tell you for months - remember that weekend up north when we spent the whole day 300 yards from your brother, just talking? You, philosophizing about the Uptown theater's newest offerings and how Nena Totenburg really understands how to dish on supreme court justices without compromising her journalistic integrity - me, listening to the dulcet sounds of Paul taking three from the sky with two shots, the barking of the dog, the delicious squish of his boots in the mud.

I never wanted you to find out like this, but we both feared you'd up and take me to LA out of some kind of nostalgia. Then where would I be?

We had to take our chances and hope against all hope that you'd be able to move on and that times you come home won't be all that uncomfortable around the dinner table at 803 East Avenue.

I've finally found a man that knows how to pull my trigger the way I've always wanted.

I truly wish you all the best and hope that we can remain friends. You've been a great friend!

# Posted By Remmy | 3/21/06 4:03 PM
Come bigger?
# Posted By PeteK | 3/22/06 2:34 PM

I, too, have a confession to make.

All that talk about changing my lifepath, and upping the stakes on my career... all the musings about big Hollywood dreams - it was all a sham.

I've eloped with my Winchester Super X2.

Sure, Winnie doesn't pack the same punch or have the fine wooden stock you do, but I've come to a point in my life where looks and downrange kinetic energy aren't the only things I find attractive anymore.

Winnie is a more complicated, nuanced shotgun. She has a delicate touch which can drop a quail at 40 yards through a soft patchwork of willows while still pulling giant canadas down from the cold gusty skies over the waves of Lake Pepin.

And she's hell on the panhandlers.

So I guess we both have to accept the fact that we've grown apart, Remmy.

I'd always hoped that you'd learn to appreciate that not all men are judged by the size of their bore or the length of their barrel. Stick with my brother and you'll see what I mean.

Farewell, and remember: we'll always have Dead Slough.
# Posted By Tom | 3/22/06 3:25 PM
How much is the reward for the ammo? I'm trying to decide if I should just explode the last two boxes of your ammo or if the reward is worth saving them. I'm leaning toward burning them.

As for your beloved Remmy... she had plenty of company with the other SP-10's that were along but didn't see any geese, that was saved for the longer barrel of my Ithaca. Yes, size matters.

-The Outlaw, on the loose for goose somewhere in SoDak.
# Posted By PJ | 3/23/06 2:43 PM
The people who have the licenses of weapon only they can have and the government must strict the rules on license weapon. I like your update on about the shotgun and that must be used for the hunting and also having the latest shotgun would like to share it here.
# Posted By Margaret T. Wesner | 1/10/19 12:57 AM
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