It has come to my attention that someone absconded with my trusty Remington SP-10 shotgun last week:
Reports indicate the weapon in question has been used in the vicious assault of several dozen snow geese the past three days in rural South Dakota. (Sorry, I know that's redundant.)
Suspect is 6 foot tall, but considerably shorter when laying in a soggy ditch waiting for innocent snow geese to fly by. Members of the public should consider him armed, but not dangerous. (I have seen him shoot.)
There is a substantial reward for information leading to the apprehension of this outlaw. Plus a bonus for each box of my shells you recover.
-Tom, who's predicting lots of rain this spring what with all them holes shot in the sky.