Gum, God, and San Diego

Like crumbs in your toaster, one day they will set your kitchen on fire.

They are... The Little Details.

• The trick to writing? -Start writing.
• It took me an hour to come up with that.
• You know what else helps? -Chewing gum.
• I meant the second part of that to be a verb and a noun, but it could be an adjective and a noun.
• Fortunately, either interpretation is correct.
• You know what does NOT help? -The internet.
• I just spent 20 minutes looking for an article I read in WIRED magazine about gum.
• I didn't find it.
• It's going to be one of those blogs, isn't it?
• Here's the thing: I like to chew gum in the car. It's my nervous habit. Plus, I like to freshen the breath on the way to my appointment/destination.
• I'm forming a one-man electronic German dub band and the name of that band will be "Appointment Destination."
• Our first single is a 22-minute synthesizer piece called "Unersetzliche Gummischmerzen."
• Translate that at your own risk.
• It's a German dub band. Did you expect it to make sense?
• I drive a lot, that means I chew a lot of gum. The operative flavor being Extra Polar Ice.
• Here's the dirty secret: You can't buy a 20 pack of gum anymore. Remember those days? When you bought a little brick of gum and tore the top off and had 20 pieces to chew? That was back before Kermit the Frog got that not-quite-different yet not-quite-right voice.
• There's this new trend in gum to package it like it's an iPod or a pack of cigarettes.
• (No, that's not the article I was talking about. But it will have to do.)
• I will admit I have fallen for the trendy packaging. It looks hip. Two problems: 1) They jacked the price. And 2) They only include 15 pieces.
• I'm not a math guy, but charging more AND cutting the contents by 25% seems like a blatant grab for profits.
• Unfortunately, like gas prices or airline luggage surcharges, it looks like the rest of the industry is falling in line with this practice.
• Can't a brother just chew some gum at an affordable price?
• Once again, I am a victim of The Man. Straight white middle-class males unite! We are oppressed!
• Next up on Tom's blog: The War on Christmas.
• How come none of those blowhards complain about the War on Easter?
• If you think about it, Easter makes a much better war story: a lone rebel single-handedly takes on the authorities, pays the ultimate price, but then comes back to have the final say.
• On the other hand, I think we could all use a lot less "war" talk in our religion. Seems sort of counter to, y'know... what most religions actually teach.
• You liked me better when I was ranting about gum, didn't you?
• I guess that makes us both shallow.
• Speaking of Easter, I had the day off from the show.
• I started things off by meeting my cousin and her kids for breakfast at Harry's Family Restaurant in Burbank.
• There are three things that I love about Harry's:
  1. There's never a line, even when they've got people stacked up fifteen deep at the corporate crap-hole IHOP across the street.
  2. The food is just as good. You can get a PANCAKE SANDWICH. Yes, read it again: PANCAKE SANDWICH.
  3. It has that 60s California diner vibe straight outta Pulp Fiction.
• Note: If you ever hear anyone say "I love you, Hunny Bunny" at Harry's Family Restaurant, hit the deck as fast as you can.
• Unless, of course, you are carrying a briefcase with somebody's soul inside of it.
• Speaking of soul, if you want to deaden yours for a good 180 minutes, drive the 5 to San Diego.
• It's actually very scenic, if you can look past all the taillights.
• My friend Elee is down in San Diego for a conference so I went to visit.
• Here's what I like about Elee: She was more than happy to cheerfully give directions to some lost tourists. It did not matter than she herself was lost and that, as a result, she told them to walk in the completely wrong direction.
• Good thing for them San Diego is surrounded by water on three sides.
• Note: When the 20 year-old former cheerleader working the register says the fish tacos are "world famous", keep in mind her experience of the world may dramatically differ from yours.
• Cause, y'know, it's not like just ANYONE can buy North Atlantic cod.
• Geography note: San Diego is directly adjacent to the Pacific.
• [Editor's note: You can't get ATLANTIC cod out of the PACIFIC, dumbass! ]
• God my editor is harsh.
• Yeah, I know what you're thinking: this blog would be vastly improved if it actually HAD an editor.
• The Mystery of the Ghirardelli Ice Cream Cafe: Two employees ringing up orders, one employee actually making them. Result - 35 disgruntled patrons.
• I asked Elee if I could log on to her computer and check traffic before I left. She said, "What, could there be traffic just ANYTIME?"
• It's at that point I should have remembered that random tourists aren't the only ones susceptible to the Dr. Elizabeth Jinx.
• Three hours later, I was home.

-Tom, who would like you to know that "Los Angeles" is Spanish for "traffic anytime."

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