More Ads That Suck

People wonder why internet advertising is not particularly effective. Maybe that's because to do it right you actually have to, y'know... TRY.

Sometimes, it's the little things...

Like, spelling your client's name right in the header.

Other times, you have to narrow down your target demographic.

Wow, these ladies are REALLY into interracial dating. I'm not sure what's left when you're willing to date asian, black, white AND latino men. Wait, got one: SORRY NATIVE AMERICAN DUDES! GET YOUR OWN WEB SITE!

Also, why does the picture feature two ladies in an intimate embrace? Are you sure they want to date men?

Not that the picture is ever a reliable indicator:

I am SO mad at Britain and their extravagant, bourgeois lifestyle that I am going to REBEL by going out and buying something cheap and practical! Like a Sony Playstation 3! That'll show those snotty Brits!

Plus it's got an effin' sweet Blu-ray player.

Sometimes you think the picture is related, but it's really not:

Now, I don't know about you, but the last time I was in this particular position, I was not trying to sleep. In fact, sleep was the last thing on my mind.

Although ironically, about 40 minutes later, I was out cold.

-But not because I had read any free book.

FACT: Star Trek chicks are sexy.
FACT: Anime chicks are sexy.

FACT: This is not sexy. At all. AT ALL.

I do not want to mack on anyone who looks like they got their hairdo from the Play Doh Fuzzy Pumper Barber Shop.

(I'll let you insert your own "Fuzzy Pumper" joke here, it's just too easy. Ahhhh, God bless the naive days of 1977. Those were simpler times, simpler times indeed...)

Sometimes, it's not the ad itself that's bad. It's the programming behind the ad server. File under One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other...

Yeah, I don't know either. Maybe they're playing the law of averages? Honestly, I'm more likely to order a Free Sleep Book.

My favorite ads are the non-sequiturs:

1) No.
2) I hope I don't, actually.
3) Is it missing?
4) I don't WANT you to find it unless you are going to shoot it with a tranq-gun at 400 yards and lock it up in some concrete holding cell.
5) Is this an ad or a weird lost-and-found posting?
6) Also, I'm not sure I like your tone. You do not sound like the kind of person who should be owning a dog. Especially THIS dog.

Some ads are bald-faced lies:

Now I will have to defer to you Pleather fanatics out there, but if you "should not have any problem at all finding what you are looking for" then -- please, pardon my ignorance -- why advertise?

I'm also guessing the 19 year-old intern who did the ad didn't know what Pleather actually was, so he just used a stock photo of a shopping cart button.

Finally, some ads are a little closer to the truth than I'd like to admit:

-Tom, who's wondering if he can make a toupee out of Pleather.