My Life As The Red Arrow

As I mentioned last week, I'm working background on a movie.

What's it like to work as an extra on a big budget feature?

Well, Thursday went a little like this...

(And keep in mind, I can't tell you specifics about the movie because they are pretty stringent about leaks. --Unless you're the hosts of Entertainment Tonight. Those a-holes can go anywhere they want.)

4:55am Really? Okay, you know what? I'm not updating my blog today. I can hit snooze ONCE.

5:05am I can't lay here until the alarm goes off, I'm just going to get up. Purpose of snooze: DEFEATED.

5:25am Crap. Last pair of black cotton socks. I am SO not wearing the polyester ones.

5:40am I start three things:

1. My car.
2. My CD of Ray Guns Are Not Just The Future by The Bird & The Bee, and...
3. My largely unfounded fear that something horrible will happen on the 5.

6:10am Eight tracks and thirty unfounded minutes later, I'm at Downey Studios in Downey, California where I'm working on a movie starring Robert Downey Junior. It's like my life is sponsored by some very uncreative product placement for fabric softener.

6:20am Get off the shuttle bus from the extras parking (extras have their own special areas to do everything -- from parking to eating) and enter extras holding. This is a giant airplane hangar with folding tables and chairs. It has all the charm of voting in the gym at your local middle school, only not as well-lit.

6:25am Set up camp chair. The first thing you learn at Extra School is: those plastic chairs will make your ass sore. BYOC! Preferably, one with a footrest in it.

6:30am Breakfast. Scrambled eggs, pancakes, and coffee. Two cups of coffee.

6:45am Go get into my cop clothes. You hand the lady the sheet of paper that they use to pay you, you get cop clothes. And a gun belt. A heavy, uncomfortable gun belt. Cops of the world: I salute you.

7:00am Thirty minutes and two cups of coffee later and I'm tired again. That's not how the Magic of Coffee is supposed to work! Note to self: magic is fake.

7:10am The Waiting begins. The crew is setting up the first shot. This usually takes until 8:30.

8:30am The crew has set up the first shot. Time to go slather on some sunblock. Because my skin has two tones: white and red. I try to keep the mix closer to the former than the latter.

8:35am Check your phone at the door on the way out. No pictures, no texting, no internet fiddle-faddling while on the set. And if you're like me, it also means you have no idea what time it is. (Wristwatches are so 1960.)

9:05am The shot was set up, but then something changed. Or wasn't ready. Either way, we get into a rough idea of our positions and start in again with The Waiting. In this business, 90% of your job is waiting for someone else to do their job. Doesn't matter if you an extra, the director, or the leading man. You wait.

9:15am We shoot some stuff I can't tell you about. You're smart, go look it up on the internet. I'd do it myself, but someone made me check my phone at the door on the way out to set.

10:30am A new shot. We get herded around by the PAs (production assistants) and ADs (assistant directors) to a different part of the set. The morning cloud cover burns away to reveal the terrible light of your evil yellow sun. More of The Waiting as I try to develop the ability to prevent sunburn with my mind.

11:30am We shoot some more stuff I can't tell you about. I am a tease. Let me sum up this blog: There's a lot of waiting and then we do cool stuff I cannot detail for you in any way, shape, or form. There are cars, explosions, and Gwyneth Paltrow. Not necessarily in that order.

Actually, the way we shot it, it was exactly in that order.

1:30pm Lunch. Rice, catfish, and an hour to rest my feet. Well, except for that 15 minutes spent standing in the lunch line. My feet don't like that at all.

2:30pm Time to head back to set. More sunscreen. I use the spray-on stuff. It's basically like dipping both arms in a giant vat of lacquer. This has the effect of making the sun more tolerable, and The Waiting less tolerable.

6:30pm Twelve hours after we arrived, we're released from set. Time to take off the gun belt and get the little piece of paper that says I will be paid. I hand my clothes to the wardrobe guy. He is polite enough not to say anything about the horrible ring-around-the-collar that been created by the potent mix of sweat, sunscreen, and diesel smoke. He knows it could not be helped.

7:30pm I think I'm going to go home to eat, but break down and stop in at the world's coldest McDonalds. (Officianados, take note: Downey, CA has the world's OLDEST operating McDonalds and the worlds COLDEST operating McDonalds -- both within a block of each other. Don't see one without stopping in at the other! McCafe!)

8:30pm Eight tracks and thirty unfounded minutes on the 5 later, I'm at Target getting gum, hand sanitizer, shoe inserts, and any product with the word "COMFORT" on the label. I also buy some new black cotton socks because I haven't had time to do the laundry.

9:30pm I do a little work on a website and then decide to quick update my blog. This proves to be a mistake around...

11:15pm Shit. I have to get up in six hours and do it all again. Goodnight! -Tom, who notes: 90% of your job is waiting for me to do MY job. More later. I promise.