Rubens and Brueghel: The Great Masters Collaborate

Peter Paul Rubens and Jan Brueghel the Elder were the preeminent painters of Antwerp in the first two decades of the 17th century.

While it was common for Dutch artisans to work together, the collaboration between these two Belgians was unique. Brueghel was known for his still-life and landscape paintings while Rubens created lush, passionate interpretations of myth and history. Their two very different temperaments combined to create a body of work which may never be duplicated.

Today we take you inside the development of one such work: The Return from War as The Little Details re-imagines the conversation that must have taken place between these two great masters.

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YEAR OF OUR LORD, 1610: THE BEGINNING

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Rubens: Dude, are you home?
Brueghel: Ah, come in, young Peter. I'm just finishing the last touches on this still-life of a bouquet.
Rubens: Isn't that the painting you started in 1603? I thought you were finished with that.
Brueghel: I wasn't satisfied with the leaves on the chrysanthemums, the fuchsia needed just the finest blush of salmon.
Rubens: Okay, dude, that's just obsessive. Hey, let's do a painting. I'm hard up for cash.
Brueghel: I'm not sure I wish to collaborate again after you mucked up The Battle of the Amazons like that, ruining a perfectly good landscape with all those atrocious nudes.
Rubens: Dude, I was 21. That was ten years ago. I'm totally more mature now. ...You got any mead?
Brueghel: In the cabinet, next to the turpentine... Well, if you promise to take this collaboration seriously, then perchance we shall have another go at it.
Rubens: Awesome, dude. You go ahead and get it started, I'll jump in when you're done.
Brueghel: Don't even want to discuss the theme?
Rubens: Ummmmm... how about Return to the Battle of the Amazons?
Brueghel: No.
Rubens: How about The Amazons Strike Back?
Brueghel: No.
Rubens: Ooh! I got it: Battle Episode One: The Amazon Menace!
Brueghel: Perhaps I should pick the theme.
Rubens: Fine. As long as it's not chrysanthemums. I gotta make rent, dude.

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[SIX WEEKS LATER]

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Rubens: BOORING.
Brueghel: I have merely roughed-in the background, Peter. This is simply a starting point.
Rubens: It looks like the London sewer system. IS it the London sewer system?
Brueghel: No, that hasn't been invented yet. It's a stable.
Rubens: A stable. Is that why there's a horse there? Or is that dude getting ready to ride off to some other, much more interesting painting? One where, y'know SOMETHING'S GOING ON?
Brueghel: Ah, but there IS something going on, young Peter. This is a stable inside a fort!
Rubens: Like Fort Sumpter?
Brueghel: Again, you're being anachronistic.
Rubens: Whatever. Is the fort under attack?
Brueghel: No, this piece is set after the attack.
Rubens: Wait, is this Return to the Battle of the Amazons?? I told you that was a good idea!
Brueghel: NO IT'S NOT RETURN TO THE BATTLE OF THE AMAZONS. This is far more tasteful. Our subject shall be: Mars returning from war.
Rubens: Who's Mars?
Brueghel: Oh, Peter, didn't you learn anything at art school.
Rubens: Yeah, I learned if you wanna be an artist in 17th century Europe, you gotta kiss ass to the pope.
Brueghel: Fine. Here's a book on mythology. It's your turn to work on the painting, go do something tasteful.
Rubens: DON'T WORRY, J.B.E. I got it. Hey, you can't loan me like 30 gilders as like an advance on this thing, can you?
Brueghel: GO.

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[TWO WEEKS LATER]

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Rubens: BOOM! CHECK IT OUT!
Brueghel: What have you done!?!
Rubens: Hot, right??
Brueghel: Peter, the theme was "Mars returning from war." What's this naked woman doing in the painting?
Rubens: Dude, first of all: you didn't give me a lot to go with. So I got to thinking, like -- why would a dude come back from war? He's Mars, right? He's like the GOD of war. So there's always some war some place he could be out godding on. But what if, right -- what if there was this really HOT chick who was all like "Hey, baby..." and he'd be like "WHOA! That is way better than trying to convince your light calvary to pull a flanking maneuver on an approaching regiment of mounted lancers." And she'd be all like "Take that hat off baby, and come snuggle my bosoms!" -- only she probably wouldn't use the word "bosoms" -- but anyway he'd be all like "It is ON like DONKEY KONG, hootchie mama!!" And she is all "I got your flanking manuever right here, big boy. Mount those lancers!" And you KNOW they are totally hooking it up and stuff cause THAT is a reason to return from war!!!
Brueghel: I hate it.
Rubens: Whoa, dude. Harsh.
Brueghel: You haven't taken the theme seriously at ALL, Peter. Mars practically disappears into the background of the painting. You've made this painting all about Venus and her luminous breasts.
Rubens: I think you meant VOL-uminous. AM I RIGHT? HEY? AM I RIGHT??
Brueghel: You're not helping.
Rubens: Dude, you didn't give me any help to begin with. Some crappy picture of a guy and his horse inside the world's brownest brick barn in Sucktown, the capital of Sucktonia, in Sucksworth.
Brueghel: It's called laying the foundation of imagination, Peter.
Rubens: It's called "lacking sizzle" and I BROUGHT it, baby. I BROUGHT IT!
Brueghel: Well put it over there on my easel and perhaps I can UN-bring it.
Rubens: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. You still keep that mead in the cabinet?

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[ELEVEN WEEKS LATER]

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Rubens: You're outta mead again, dude.
Brueghel: Stop slamming the cabinet doors, you're disturbing my work.
Rubens: You're not putting chrysanthemums in our painting, are you?
Brueghel: No, no. Just trying to get the proper highlights on these bridles hanging from the rafters. It's a very particular application of technique.
Rubens: Dude, if they're looking at the highlights on those bridles, I haven't done my job right.
Brueghel: I am TRYING to bring some sense of our original theme back to the painting!
Rubens: By putting a couple of cannons in? Because if you ask me, those cannons look like maybe you're working into MY theme. Hey? Huh? Hey?
Brueghel: Don't be crude, Peter.
Rubens: Look, art is PASSION, man! Why are you trying to fight it!
Brueghel: Painting is control. Without control there can be no technique. Without technique, there can be no art.
Rubens: Okay, dude, but there's a lot of self-absorbed people in the 1950s who are going to disagree with you.
Brueghel: I'll be long dead by then.
Rubens: GREAT WAY TO END AN ARGUMENT, DOCTOR BUZZKILL. Gimme that painting back before you fidget it to death!
Brueghel: ...Are we really out of mead?

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[ONE WEEK LATER]

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Rubens: Boom! Check it out!!
Brueghel: What is that?
Rubens: A CHERUB! Look it up, dude, it's in your book!
Brueghel: Ah yes, a cherubim. ...What's he doing?
Rubens: Stealing the dude's shield!! Classic, right?
Brueghel: But you're making Mars look foolish!
Rubens: Dude, you ever been around a guy when he's all horned-up? NOT the best decision maker. Next thing you know, he's banging Anna of Saxony and then William of Orange is slapping him in prison and Mama Maria and little baby Rubens are moving off to Antwerp to spend three hours in a church pew every Sunday, praying that "Jan the Man" will get time off for good behavior.
Brueghel: Fine, but don't you see how it adds even MORE whimsy to the painting. This is a SERIOUS work on the aftermath of war!
Rubens: The dude's shield gets stolen, I'd say that's pretty serious!
Brueghel: Peter, Peter, Peter... just put it in the corner, I'll FIX IT.
Rubens: Man, you get grumpier ever week.
Brueghel: It's 1611! I'm only going to live 14 more years!
Rubens: You have an unnatural fixation on your mortality, man. You need to lighten up.
Brueghel: Goodbye, Peter...

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[FIFTEEN WEEKS LATER]

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Rubens: Hey, Grumpy McMugwump! Whassup??
Brueghel: Ah, Peter, I am glad you are here. Behold...!
Rubens: Um, wow.
Brueghel: Just LOOK at the detailed engraving on that armor! And the intricate depiction of the breech on that muzzle-loader! And... do you recognize this? Do you know what this is?!
Rubens: Umm, a crossbow?
Brueghel: YES! WITH the crank for winding the sinew! I had to consult with three different fletchers to get it right!
Rubens: Wow, um, that's awesome dude.
Brueghel: You don't seem enthused.
Rubens: No, it's cool and all. Good job.
Brueghel: But...?
Rubens: But what?
Brueghel: But there's something bothering you.
Rubens: Well... I don't know that it's BOTHERING me. It's just...
Brueghel: Just what?
Rubens: Well, ummm. Why does he need a crossbow if he's already got a shotgun?
Brueghel: AAAIGH!

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[TWO DAYS LATER]

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Rubens: Good news, dude! I TOTALLY fixed it. No one's even gonna notice you painted that crossbow.
Brueghel: Oh joy, another cherub.
Rubens: TWO cherubs, man! And they're stealing Mars's -- Mars'? -- Mars's sheath!
Brueghel: Very clever.
Rubens: Yeah, totally sweet, huh? But I gotta give you some mad props, dude. You totally inspired me on this one.
Brueghel: I... I did?
Rubens: Yeah, man. I got to thinking about how you're always nitpicking over the details and like all ranting about using technique and stuff and I was like, you KNOW P.P.R, you could stand to spend an extra hour or two on this thing and see if maybe the old man can still teach you a thing or two. Besides, I got snowed in.
Brueghel: Really, well, I am flattered that my work ethic has instilled some sense of artistic diligence in you.
Rubens: TOTALLY. It TOTALLY did that.
Brueghel: What, uh... what in particular did you do? The feathering of the wings? Perhaps the fine mesh of the chain on the sheath...?
Rubens: No, dude. Look closer.
Brueghel: The highlighting of the curls in the hair?
Rubens: No, dude -- CLOSER.
Brueghel: The delicate folds in his cape?
Rubens: CLOSER.
Brueghel: Ehhh.... errr... I'm afraid I'm not seeing it.
Rubens: That cherubim is TOTALLY uncircumcised!
Brueghel: Oh dear Lord, why can't I die in 1612? You know they also had cholera back in 1612, right? There's no real good reason to wait until 1640 to get it.
Rubens: Man, you think you got it bad, I die of the gout!

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[THE NEXT DAY]

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Rubens: Got your message, man. You're DONE!?
Brueghel: Yes, Peter, the painting is finished!
Rubens: Oh, man, I can't wait to see what you added. I have to admit, I gave you a lot of crap through this whole process, but I really envy your eye for detail. I may be passionate -- well, yeah, okay -- really kind of a hothead some times, but you, man, you really know how to take the details and put them together to create a tight, logical, cohesive world.
Brueghel: Well thank you, Peter.
Rubens: So let's have a look, where is it? What did you do?
Brueghel: It's right over there on the easel, Peter. Under the tarp, next to the three empty jugs of mead.
Rubens: You empty those things out, they make a great commode, man.
Brueghel: Noted.
Rubens: Only for number onesies, though -- less you got the squirts. Can't wait to see this, man. I bet you added in some, like, really intricate clock or something.
Brueghel: Just be careful lifting that... don't want to smudge anything...
Rubens: This is it?
Brueghel: Well, a few sections still need to be joined together, but otherwise I think it's complete.
Rubens: Two rats??
Brueghel: Guinea pigs, Peter.
Rubens: TWO GUINEA PIGS??
Brueghel: That's correct.
Rubens: What do guinea pigs have to do with WAR, man!
Brueghel: My dear Peter, if they're looking at those two cute little guinea pigs, you haven't done your job right.
Rubens: Touche', man. Touche'. ...So. Are these three jugs, like, totally empty?

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NOTE: The administration of The Little Details would like to apologize for any actual art history you may have inadvertently learned from the preceding article. We promise to endeavor to avoid any such educational content in the future and leave that responsibility to more mature sources, such as Wikipedia and The Getty.

-Tom, who hopes the ghosts of his Belgian forebears do not strike him down.