BREAKING: iPhone 4 Self-Bricking!!!

In our June 24th review of the iPhone 4 we noted a few extremely minor technical issues with the handset. Like, for instance, the fact that we couldn't actually complete a call.

As it turns out, many other people have been experiencing loss of signal or dropped calls when they hold the phone in a particular way. (We couldn't connect to AT&T's notoriously awful service no matter how we positioned the unit in our hand, but we assume we were just holding it wrong.) After weeks of silence and denial about the issue, Apple will be holding a press conference today to address the problem.

What we don't expect them to address, however, is an even more insidious design element which our eagle-eyed team of tech experts has recently uncovered. Deep within the circuits of that beefy A4 processor, generous 512MB of eDRAM, and incomparably-responsive touchscreen lies a to-date unreported feature which threatens to completely brick your phone:

That's right. The iPhone 4 has an expiration date.

We admit that we did notice this feature when we first received our review unit, but didn't think to mention it because it seemed a moot point -- discerning tech consumers buy a new iPhone every year. (Or they wouldn't BE discerning tech consumers. DUH.)

However, now that the rest of the tech press has decided Apple is, in fact, fallible, we have decided to pile-on with cautious outrage. In part, to show our objectivity but mostly to boost our page-views.

We gave the iPhone 4 our hearty recommendation. We hereby revise that to "hearty recommendation with page-view generating concerns."

We hope Apple will be upfront about this seemingly-intentional limitation. Shouldn't customers HAVE A RIGHT to a phone that works beyond 2013?? As discerning tech consumers, we resent this sort of planned obsolescence. Steve Jobs should offer us all refunds, a free iPad, or at least a guarantee that next year's iPhone will not have its limitations demonstrated in such an obvious way.

We prefer the limitations in our Apple products to be easily, willfully ignored.

Of course, this could all be quickly cleared up if Apple simply held a press conference and, perhaps, offered purchasers a free sticker that would cover up the expiration date.

Until that time, rest assured discerning tech consumers that we will vigilantly continue the drumbeat of panic!

2013 IS SOONER THAN YOU THINK!

-Tom
Senior Technology Reviewer
The Little Gadget Detailzimodo