Real With Character

This week marks my fifth year in LA.

I've had my successes and my disappointments, but overall it's been an interesting journey -- partly because I don't know what I'll be doing from day-to-day, or for that matter, hour-to-hour.

To give you an example, here are some actual breakdowns from the past five years for various roles I've auditioned for.

SCIENTIST - Male, white, 33-38 years. He should be somewhat nerdy, but not the classic nerd. He's a guy that definitely watches the sci-fi channel religiously. But only a few, core set of friends, know this fact. His co-workers think he's the guy that really likes jazz. not overweight. He's probably a vegetarian, and adheres to a strict vegan diet.

This was one of the first things I auditioned for when I moved to town.

My agent pretty much had me nailed from day one.

MAN - FROM REGULAR GUY TO QUIRKY CHARACTER TYPE. MUST BE GREAT ACTORS - SUBTLE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, MUST BE GREAT WITH COMEDY AND LOTS OF DIALOGUE. PLEASE NOTE THAT TALENT WILL WEAR COW UDDERS IN THE SPOT.

I was honestly disappointed I did not get this.

BEACH MAN WITH SOLAR THONG - FLIGHT OF THE CONCORDS TYPE GUY. PALE, PASTY. MORE OF A MAN OF SCIENCE. EARNEST. WILL APPEAR IN A THONG IN THE SPOT. MAY HAVE HIM PLUG IN HIS MP3 PLAYER TO HIS CROTCH AND SMOKE COME UP.

You are honestly not disappointed I did not get this.

(But I did make the callbacks. Go ahead, pour yourself another shot of brain scrubber. ...Better make it a double.)

LUKE - THE ANNOYING CO-WORKER. LUKE IS SOCIALLY AWKWARD. HE WILL PROBABLY BE IN MID-MANAGEMENT FOREVER.

I've had that feeling.

GUY 2 - A VERY AVERAGE WHITE GUY, 30'S. JUST DOESN'T CARE MUCH. SHOULDN'T READ IMMEDIATELY AS A "SMART ALECK", BUT THAT'S JUST WHAT HE IS. DEFINITELY HAS A JERK STREAK IN HIM.

This is where I bring my full set of ACTING skills into play! This called for some REAL ACTING! That Stanislavsky/Method crap won't help here! I will have to VISUALIZE what it must be like to be a jer--

Yeah, okay. I don't see why they didn't just send me straight to callbacks either.

WAITER - MATTER OF FACT WAITER. HE HAS HAD HIS JOB FOR A LONG TIME AND HAS A EMPATHETIC KNOWING FEEL ABOUT HIM BECAUSE HE HAS SEEN ALL SORTS OF HEARTBREAK, BREAKUPS, DESPERATION, LONELINESS AND WORSE. DEAD ZONES.

All I remember about this audition is that I made sure I touched everyone in the room and told them their future.

No wonder I didn't book it.

Nerdy Phone Guy - Nerdy guy with glasses.

Speaking of not booking things, what the hell happened here??

GEORGE WASHINGTON - Caucasian or African American Male, Real with character to very character, 30-55 years old. Doesn't need to look like George Washington but....also submit anyone who looks like George Washington.

I don't know WHAT my agent was thinking, I'm clearly more of a James Madison.

Although after five years of auditions, the roles you get submitted for start to tell you a lot. For instance...

HERO MALE - AVERAGE OFFICE WORKER, GOOD COMEDIC IMPROV ACTOR, AVERAGE BUILD, CHARISMATIC AND LIKABLE, NOT CONDESCENDING, CASUAL,CALM,ENGAGING IN CONVERSATION, SEEMS GENUINE,AND NON JUDGMENTAL. THE KIND OF PERSON PEOPLE RELATE TOO BUT ASPIRE TO AS WELL.

Most of the time I like to think I'm this guy.

MANAGER - Mildly delusional MALE, but appears outwardly professional. Should have enough salesmanship to be able to put a positive spin on an unworkable situation. Good improv actor.

But some days, this is probably closer to the truth.

Five years in, it's still a struggle but the challenge remains enticing. It's not an easy move, coming to Los Angeles. You climb up the ladder in your home market and think you'll just keep on climbing in LA. But the truth is that LA is a whole new ladder -- one that's much higher, much steeper, and has more people trying to climb over your back to get to that next rung.

I'm really grateful to have landed such great agents, they really took a chance on me when I was just a greenhorn fresh off the plane from Minnesota.

And I'm indebted to the casting directors who not only keep giving me the opportunity for work, but have given me terrific advice and help in getting my sea legs out here.

But most of all, I'm grateful to have such a loving, supporting family. It's not easy to be 2,000 miles away - I miss those days when I could jump in the car and get together for brunch. But they have never questioned my decision to uproot my life and I literally could not take this step in my career without them.

So thanks to my mom and my dad and my brother. Partly for all that you've done, but mostly for just being you.

-Tom, nerdy guy with glasses.