The New Zodiac

I don't know if you're aware, but ancient people were really terrible at a lot of things. (Earth? Flat? Helllllooo, have you hiked Fryman Canyon?) But one of the things they were especially terrible at was calendars. The Mayans goofed it up so bad that next year we have to have an Apocalypse.
But more importantly, Time.com recently reported that the Zodiac calendar is off. And not just by a couple minutes so you can fool your sleepy brain into getting out of bed a little bit earlier, like up to a MONTH off.
Apparently the ancient astrozoologicagraphers failed to account for wobbles in the rotation of the earth, and now, a couple hundred years later, the Zodialogical calendar is way off.
Fortunately, thanks to SCIENCE, we can correct for this miscalculation.
Following is a list of the NEW dates for the Zodiax signs, along with a reading for the New Year. (FYI, according to these new calculations, the New Year doesn't start for three more weeks, so you still have time to get your nieces and nephews something nice for the holidays.)

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Today marks the release of the re-imagined A-Team, which stars Liam Neeson and a bunch of guys you've never heard of. 