Chapter Three: The Secret

She wasn't some unearthly Valkyrie, descended from the heavens to snatch my heart from the battlefield and deliver it to an Asgardian hall filled with other geeks readying themselves for the coming Nerdpocalypse.

But she was willing to go on a date with me.

In fact, she wanted to go on a second date.

The Amanda Story, Chapter Three.

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Chapter Two: The List

We met online.

Her name was Amanda.

Only her name wasn't Amanda, and we hadn't actually met yet.

This is the day that changes.

The Amanda Story, Chapter Two.

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The Amanda Story

Six months ago I signed up for online dating.

Today is Valentine's Day.

Let me tell you how that worked out.

...A story in three chapters.

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I Am Not Buried Under A Pile Of Rubble

The Apocalypse keeps trying to get me, but I just keep on runnin'!

We had a 5.6 earthquake out here but I am happy to report no damage to me or my possessions.

I am unhappy to report that I did suffer a neckstrain overnight that required me to skip jury duty and go to UrgentCare this morning, so look forward to an episode of The Little Details filtered through the blurry haze of muscle relaxants.

-Tom, whose odd-ball collection of Ral Partha miniatures survived relatively unscathed.

Once Again - I Am Not On Fire

For those of you concerned (i.e. you two readers in Wisconsin and both of my random internet stalker fans) I am happy to report that despite the fire at Universal Studios I am safe, sound, and glib as ever.

Other than the stink of burnt plastic that started wafting through my window yesterday morning, I was unaffected.

Although now I have no idea how I am going to generate the 1.21 gigawatts I need to get back to my proper time.

-Tom, off to rustle up a beer can and some banana peels for his prototype Mr. Fusion.

A Hypothetical

Join me, if you will, on a journey of imagination...

Let's say (hypothetically) that you were going to Las Vegas for the weekend, because it was your buddy's bachelor party.

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Do You Sing Like Olive Oyl On Purpose?

In a weird harmonic convergence of fate, I went out and sang karaoke not once but TWICE last week.

Here's what I learned:

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Eight Degrees

This is one time of the year where I really, truly enjoy living in Southern California.

The other day I was listening to Minnesota Public Radio over the internet and Gary Eichen comes on and says "Now for a noon-time check of our weather: it's eight degrees..."

And with my twisted Minnesotan sensibilities I actually thought, Well... That's not bad. Until he finished the sentence by saying "BELOW ZERO."

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Plumbing LIVE Blog Part II: RECKONING DAY!

You know the situation: For months the drip, drip, drip of the kitchen sink has eaten away at your sanity, building layer upon layer of scaly guilt on your eco-friendly conscience.

Then, in the very HEART of California's dark winter (It was fifty-two yesterday, people! FIFTY-TWO!!) the hot water began to slowly fail until, like a quickie wedding in Vegas, its steamy embrace dimmed to a tepid trickle.

TODAY is the day we conquer BOTH of those problems, people!!

For I have heard the CLARION CALL from Norma the maintenance coordinator! SHE has HEARD the cries of her tenants, GAZED upon the tear-stained pages of their work requests, and SENT FORTH HER SERVANTS TO RIGHT THIS INJUSTICE!

TODAY IS THE DAY OF KITCHEN SINK FAUCET REPLACEMENT AND HOT WATER HEATER INSTALLATION!!!

Join me as I live blog the precious details of this momentous event.

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MARK YOUR CALENDAR NOW

SPECIAL UPDATE!

My sink fix has been rescheduled for tomorrow morning between 8am and noon!

In the aftermath of Monday's momentous LIVE BLOG, both Edwards and Giuliani dropped out of the race!

Stay tuned tomorrow when my kitchen faucet AND the hot water heater for the building will be replaced! Is this the desperate fix our troubled economy needs??

TUNE IN TOMORROW TO FIND OUT!!

-TOM, ALL CAPS!! ALL THE TIME!!!! EXCLAMATION POINT!!

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