The Little Details - Thinking Aloud

Ad Takedown, Episode V: The Internet Continues To Frighten Me

Wed, 16 Jun 2010 06:19:00 -0500

The great thing about advertising on the web is that it's really cheap to run an online ad and there are almost no barriers to entry. (Do you have a copy of Photoshop? Can you write 18 words or less? YOU CAN RUN AN AD!) The worst thing about advertising on the web is that it's really cheap and there are almost no barriers to entry. (Are you a 14 year-old boy with stunted English skills and one-dimensional ideas of feminine beauty? YOU CAN RUN AN AD!) Sometimes, people make an ad so bad, it's genius. These are not those ads. [More]

Ad Takedown: EXTREME DATING EDITION!

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 09:08:00 -0500

I get a lot of ads for online dating. I mean A LOT of ads. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. If so, the universe really needs to refine its message. [More]

The Gamer's Wife: The Rise of Cobra

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 10:27:00 -0500

This weekend I went to three terrible movies. Why? -So you wouldn't have to. [More]

What's The Message?

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 11:24:00 -0500

Recently, Southern Comfort announced it's ditching cable tv and magazine advertising and spending it's $10 million ad budget on Facebook and Hulu. I hope they are smarter about their online ads than these people were. [More]

10 Instances Where I Need To Borrow Your Sword

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 08:22:00 -0500

It recently occurred to me that, despite my lengthy nerd pedigree and fervent interest in Dungeons & Dragons, I do not own a sword. Lead goblins? -Check.
Aluminum space pistol? -Got it.
Replica borg cube? -DUH.
Plastic lightsaber handle? -Yes, BUT that's not a sword. Everyone knows a lightsaber handle isn't any good unless it's secretly stashed inside a droid you plan to have captured and turned into a mechanical bartender aboard the sandbarge which will be conveniently parked nearby to witness your impending execution via excruciatingly slow digestion/starvation. (I don't get why Jabba didn't just hang the guy by his toes, brush him with vinegar, and not feed him - it's the same effect. But Jabba clearly had a flair for the dramatic. It turned out to be his undoing, but it also gave us Princess Leia in that slave costume. Win-win all around if you're a jedi and/or horny 13-year-old boy.) All of this points to the fact that not owning a sword is a severe oversight on my part. There are times when you NEED a sword. Can I borrow yours? [More]

Memorial Day

Mon, 25 May 2009 08:00:00 -0500

...When I was a boy, and when Dwayne Hoover was a boy, all the people of all the nations which had fought in the First World War were silent during the eleventh minute of the eleventh hour of Armistice Day, which was the eleventh day of the eleventh month.

It was during that minute in nineteen hundred and eighteen, that millions upon millions of human beings stopped butchering one another. I have talked to old men who were on battlefields during that minute. They have told me in one way or another that the sudden silence was the Voice of God.

-Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions

For most of my life, I've had a hard time connecting to Memorial Day. [More]

More Ads That Suck

Tue, 05 May 2009 11:03:00 -0500

People wonder why internet advertising is not particularly effective. Maybe that's because to do it right you actually have to, y'know... TRY. [More]

Dear Little Rubbery Lumps Who Love Metal And Fire So Much

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 10:19:00 -0500

Hey everybody, It's me, Earth. Yeah, I know you thought my voice would be a lot lower, like that Morgan Freeman guy. Or maybe I'd be a woman and more matronly. That's kind of the problem: You have a lot of misconceptions about me. [More]

Monkeys With Typewriters

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 07:21:00 -0500

Hey there, Mr. Go-Getter! Did your massive Ponzi scheme suddenly fail, leaving you broke and universally despised? Were you recently laid off when the peanut company you ran accidentally poisoned hundreds of people? Did your patently unsound plan to issue sub-prime mortgages to unqualified buyers inexplicably collapse, taking most of the world's banking system with it? Don't worry, Go-Getter! There's still money to be made out there, and it's in INTERNET ADVERTISING!! [More]

That's Inappropriate

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:13:00 -0500

Sometimes, when you reach a certain age, and you don't have kids, you develop some bad habits. And I'm not talking about the fact that you will resort to eating microwave pizza for breakfast. But sometimes you say stuff that, well... you probably shouldn't. That doesn't stop you. [More]

Morlocks Kidnap The President

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 10:02:00 -0500

Somehow, despite being a sci-fi geek, I never managed to see Escape from New York and the glory that is Kurt Russell's hair. This weekend, all that changed... [More]

Beowulf's Atonement In Bruges

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:08:00 -0500

Although I am notoriously negligent in watching the movies I get with NetFlix, I did manage to plow through a few of them over the weekend. Let's review, shall we? [More]

Scientific Progress Goes RATTA-TATTA-TATTA-TATTA-TAH!!!

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 18:35:00 -0500

It's Saturday morning, 6:20am. I am 11 years old and the rest of the house is asleep. I myself should be snugly tucked inside my bed, but in this pre-TiVO era, you couldn't afford to miss the good cartoons when they came on. And for this young boy, appointment viewing began at 6:30am Saturday, Channel 4: The Adventures of Jonny Quest. I didn't know the show was a relic of 60s Cold War/Space Race bravado. I just knew it was awesome. Recently -- thanks to my friends Liz and Burk who loaned me the complete series on DVD -- I found out why. [More]

The Very Short List of Things That Suck

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 17:47:00 -0500

Hide the Nintendo DS and put your iPhone on vibrate, young 'uns! Granpa Tom woke up on the wrong side of teh Internets today! [More]

All Kinds Of Wrong

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 11:55:00 -0500

Internet advertising really hasn't come into its own just yet. The best stuff is targeted, direct, and simple - like Google text ads. (Yeah, Google, I DO wanna buy the Bladerunner Super Deluxe Suitcase Collectors' Edition for cheap, how did you know?!) The worst stuff is untargeted, blunt, and stupid. (BOOBS! Did you see them? Look, BOOBS! WE WILL HELP YOU FIND BOOBS!) And then sometimes -- generally when you least expect it -- the internet is just creepy. And not in that, ick-those-people-are-sick kind of way, but more in that mmm-this-burrito-tastes-great-HOLY-CRAP-I'M-CHEWING-ON-TINFOIL kind of way. Take this ad which keeps popping up at me: [More]